Definitions of madness: - to do the same thing tomorrow as you did yesterday and expect different results...

Perusing dates between this blog and last will quickly inform you of the punctuality issues I've been having. So here's the thing...

I got rather used to the laid back lifestyle whilst in Africa and wrestling with wifi became so laborious I gave up on the whole frequent blogging promise. This I know is a real shame because I now have no electronic testemant of my time in Senegal only scribbles in a scruffy diary I kept... sort of.

To be honest I think I needed to disconnect. As a recent advert proclaimed 'we're connected but not connecting.' In truth I had to step away from blogging/facebook etc and just live an uncluttered life for a little while. I make no secret about being someone who is a chocolate box perfectionist, I am constantly comparing and while these traits serve me well when I'm ambitious or motivated, they are sometimes to my detriment. It was an antidote to my restlessness to slow down and focus only on the now.

I fear I'll never be able to adequately convey quite how much Senegal has moved and changed me. The sun, sea and surf unfurled me, made me reflect on who I am, what I am and who I want to be. I fell in love...I fell out of love...I made friends, great friends, tried to surf, ate waves, ate fish, I cried, lived voraciously and above all I lived in the moment without boundaries. Returning home has been hard, especially as I had to do so earlier than intended.

In Dakar airport, I read on the toilet door a note somebody had written it said this:

Hitch hiking around West Africa scared shitless but loving it. Heading home now...

I know what she meant. West Africa pushes up against you like the 8am commute, she makes you uncomfortable but when you leave her you miss her heat and intensity. Perhaps this is idealistic, perhaps this is just vacation euphoria dislodging my sensabilities but I plan to return to Senegal to live. I have a plan. You want to hear it?

Ok. THE PLAN.

I'm going to do two things.

1) Teach Yoga

2) Run a horse riding buisness across Yoff Beach.

The bits in between are a) get better at surfing b) have my own house c) be happy d) try not to fall in love with too many locals e) be happy.

I'm not well travelled, but I do know that Senegal at this moment in time suits me, I need somewhere where I'm not worrying that my career is lack lustre or that I haven't published anything of significance, I need a place without T.V. where I can run on a beach and have a dog and rescue cats and somewhere to do meditation to the sounds of waves.

So now aside from recovering from shingles and suspected malaria, I'm writing buisness plans, trying to learn french and finding any kind of work to save, save, save.

I won't promise I'll update regularly because. Well. We've all been witness to my tardiness but I am going to try and keep you posted on my progress. Here's counting the days down until Senegal...

Leggelegge

(see you later in Wolof).

x

Paddling against the current....

Nga Na Deff! (Hello in Wollof)

The fact that I lost my contact lens is synonmous with how my first surf session went needless to say I ate wave - lots of it.
After so many months of anticipation, dreaming of waves so perfect and skill so incomprehensible even Kelly Slater would marvel at my style, the reality was...well... a bit of a let down. Growing up slap bang in the middle of Britain means that perhaps this 'skill' I have been cultivating all these years was manufactured from my own delusions. Surfing is hard both physically and mentally, while your arms burn against the exertion of paddling your mind is the proverbial carrousel as you contemplate the wave your about to throw yourself into (think ragdoll in the washing machine).

So Jesper my boss here has put me on a back to basics training plan. I have to paddle 6 miles from N'gor island to the Dakar mainland everyday and back again to build strength as well as attend surf school with the Senegalese locals. This is ok I guess because I reap my revenge with the yoga I make him participate in at 8am every morning!! I was feeling rather sorry for myself after I tanked so spectacularly on my first go but realised surfing should be viewed as a metaphor for life - you take a pounding but you persevere and ride it out! I will prevail.... 

So far things are pretty great here in Senegal. Like most African countries, visiting the west is not a holiday but an experience and you have to repeat this mantra to yourself when things grate like the African time for instance and the mosquitoes! You are so thrown out of your comfort zone in every possible way, perhaps even more so here (Senegal is French speaking and my French is del boy esq to say the least - mange tout anyone)? Black outs are frequent due to the wind and solar methods of generating electricity and I've had my fair share of bucket showers because the water has been cut off - all part of the experience I say!
N'gor surf camp is a little Shangri-la and the people here are wonderful, diverse and from all walks of life. The only problem is I want to be in the good surfers club and am still very much a novice!! Ah well three months to practise I suppose :)

With skype and internet feelings of loneliness or isolation haven't surfaced too much. Naturally when first settling into a place there is a period of disarray but I strive always to find a positive slant on things because I know these feelings will dissipate. My family and friends should know that I love them and think of them often but it is counterproductive for me to dwell too much. I love you all but I'm having too much fun to worry needlessly!

Anywho I've been stealing far too much wifi from the hotel in Dakar so time for me to go, me thinks (THE hotel from Endless Summer)! Done and dusted blog for the first week!

Leggelegge (see you later)

Love Sophia

:)

The Beauty of Sharks eyes...because there is beauty in the things you fear

When asked what it was about surfing I loved so much the only answer I could muster was something along the lines of 'I just do, I can't explain it.' So why do I like it? What is it about being on a board that has totally taken over my life since discovering it, little more than a few months ago? And then a dear friend of mine who knows me more than I care to admit summed it up for me in a sentence, I quote:


This year you've been held together by masking tape and glue, its been a tough year, so surfing for you has been like a metaphor for life, taking a pounding by forces greater than you but riding it out anyway.


[Thanks Rosie for the excellent insight!] . If I'm honest surfing began as a way to help heal wounds of the heart but has developed into something much, much more integral to me. Its no longer a symbol of love lost, its an emblem for hoping that things will get better, its a focal point, a challenge that devotes me to the elements around me and not to the inertia in my own head.


There is a temptation when writing a blog to only include the exciting aspects of life because lets be honest, its not sexy to tell the world you've shaved your legs or had baked beans for lunch. There is a danger however in only including the high octane parts, in that you lose the integrity and beauty there is found in the ordinary. I want to be honest with you, because only honest writing can connect with people. Life after graduating has been a series of peaks and troughs, mostly nose diving 2010 shall not be a year reflected upon fondly. Ever a glass half full kind of person however I realise that this year was supposed to serve as a lesson to me that [to use a line from Shawshank Redemption] you either get busy living or get busy dying.

So I celebrated the entrance of 2011 with dear friends and will not mourn the demise of 2010, or dwell too much on the humbling elements of the year past. I'm welcoming the New Year with a beamish smile and open arms. I dare to dream, I'll live voraciously, I'm going to open my ears, heart and soul to the world and see what I find.

All being well (please no snow)! Jan 20th I'll be flying out to Senegal, to work as a Yoga teacher at N'gor Surf Camp. I'll be there for three months perhaps longer if I fall in love with the place and the folks there like me! I'm going to try and keep my blogging up to speed whislt out there so people can catch up with what I'm doing (fingers crossed this is a new years resolution I actually keep)! I've found my dedication to my sport has bought me much solace, I'm practising yoga everyday, running and swimming as well as death by x-biking [Viki I'm blaming you]!. It seems keeping healthy has helped me through some rough patches so I'm looking forward to being able to surf for three months without interruption. Hopefully when I come back I'll actually be able to surf as opposed to the wiping out I do now!

After April things are a little hazy. Nobody tells you after graduating life will be like treading water, bobbing from one thing to the next without much sense of direction. I'll confess this ebbing and flowing has not sat well with my desire to be working towards something, I like a good plan. A little 9-5, home with the folks and spats with my siblings (we don't squabble about barbies anymore thankfully), has given me some much needed time to reflect, to figure out my desires as well as evaluate what I already have.

So...some advice...Graduates, people stuck in limbo, soul searchers and everyone else: don't despair in the mundane moments, or berrate yourself for your misfortunes. Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself because everything happens for a reason and it is the seemingly 'boring' periods that we really discover what we're made of.

Happy New Year comrades make 2011 a good 'un!

x

To Persevere

Perseverance: -

Steady and continued action or belief, usually over a long period and especially despite difficulties or setbacks...

I'll let you in on a secret. Sometimes I can be unhappy- scrap that - sometimes I can be downright miserable, I'm talking the snotty nosed, screaming into a pillow, listening to Joni Mitchell kind of unhappy. But you know what. That's ok. It's OK to not be OK. We are only human after all -the wire grin aches if you wear it too often falsely.

...and lets face it life would be a lot more tedious if it was wonderful all of the time. You'd be bored silly. That and ungrateful too because it is the hardships, the times when you really feel corroded that truly you are alive. Use the bad in comparison to how good the good actually is!

There is a strange comfort in knowing that you are not the only victim in life. We all have 'one of those days.' You know what I mean, you lock yourself out the house, miss an essay/work deadline, realise you've forgotten your lunch on top of having issues with friend/spouse/sibling.

Yeah you know those kinds of days. For me, I have what I call the 'one night rule.' Where I embrace my woe and wallow in it for an evening of self pity. Think pjs before nine, cups of tea, something calorific and either a good book or a rom com to numb the senses. Here in this hippo like state, I indulge in my one woman pity party, I sob like its nobodies business, I write copious amounts of bad poetry or depending on the problem do some kind of yoga or meditation. I totally embrace my sadness, I pick it apart until it is just dust and bones and then I promise myself that the next morning I wake up positive and determined.

Obviously there are certain situations where one night isn't going to cure you, what it does do though is face you in the right direction so at least you can begin somewhere.

The thing that debilitates me most is other peoples pain. I can make myself ill worrying about others. I'm not just talking about the Oxfam kind of stuff, I'm talking about those around you, your nearest and dearest. When you have to watch someone suffer knowing that no matter what you do, you are powerless. That is the only thing that "gets to me." I'd rather health problems, career failings or anything else that comes my way, than watching someone endure hurt.

What I've had to learn over the years however is that I can't fix people. Be the compost, help them recycle the bad feelings, be a source of nutrients but let it be up to them to grow. You can show them where the light is but it is they who must reach up for it.

So when all else fails, remember this and only this.

Persevere

x

Re~discover

ReDiscover:-[14th century. Via Old French descovrir <>To find something out - Again

NAMASTE:

Though I scribe with wires, I hope to write with the fluency of familiarity & reflection. Lets pretend we are already friends discussing life's intricacies over a cup of tea. Me Casa en su Casa....or at least something like that (!)

...And so another year walks to the tomb to be but dust and philosophy, gawd I love new year!

In our farewell I feel compelled to be gracious, to bow my head in acknowledgement, the heaviness of gratitude humbling me.

Above anything I have cherished the moments in 2009 that tested my resolve, for here in this picture frame you see that life's abstracts are all artworks. I have truly learnt something. That we must hold every phase in our lives sacred, for we do not know when we might lose the oppertunity to feel anything at all.

I have understood sadness my own and others, I've allowed myself to examine it, to turn it over and revise every contour, until at last I realised that sadness should be thought of as just a smooth stone. Hold it, feel its shape and then throw it, watch it skim the waters then disappear. Pains neednt define you, they are merely life's utensils, change the tool and your shape changes too.

I confess to feeling vulnerable at times, the same that I feel exposed to happiness, when I feel jovial there is a fragment within me that is terrified something will snatch it away from me. This I have come to learn means that I have something worth missing. Its made me love voraciously, not to be afraid by the intensity of my emotions for they make me Sophia. For all that I am.

This year I saw poverty for real. It has taught me to seek the simplicity of being, wholly and quintessentially you, that we must all seek the quiet. We are alive. And that my friends is a blessing in itself.

I have found wonderment in academia but discovered that letters after your surname is not the be all and end all.

Perfectionism is a disease that decays the simple beauties in life, its ok to be human and not have all of the answers all of the time. Mistakes are what make us whole, its the constant yearining, our curiosity- for getting up ignoring grazed knees and carrying on anyway- thats the important bit!

As I stride towards 2010 I am filled with optimism. I hope that I am able to pause in the moments of wonderment and fully appreciate the awesomness of being here (and not just a facebook photo op, guilty as charged)!

I hope I read more books that sculpt thoughts and ideas with beauty. I hope I love unburdened by fear, or at least without decorum (the best kind of love)! Above everything I hope that this year I own my actions, that I live with deliberation and help those that need me, the same as those who might not know they need me. I hope I learn to forgive myself for yearning all of the time, wanting to be the best that I can be, because that wanderlust got me where I am today. I hope that I realise that its ok to be in the right here right now and not always to be looking towards the horizon. Look around see where the light hits.

To all Thank you for being a part of it. X

As I'm embarking on a year full of change and uphevel (Leaving uni, new romance, wanting to live off-grid, aromatherapy course, econess and travel) I've decided to list my goals and share my experiences throughout the year with you lovely people, friends, acquaintances and the people who have just happened upon this blog!

So to summarise the resolutions are:-

1. To write a blog *frequently* (Yay strike one)!

2. To learn how to knit (And strike two, expect wonky scarves for gifts lovely people)!

3. To embrace all things holistic (...veg growing, aromatherapy, herbal medicine, stove building, solar energy)

4. To make living in a yurt/bender/ narrow boat a reality (or at least a well formulated plan)

5. To tell the people who mean the most that I love them a ridiculous, vomit inducing, soppy dancing in the rain, all day everyday kind of way =)

Aloha Friends!