To Persevere

Perseverance: -

Steady and continued action or belief, usually over a long period and especially despite difficulties or setbacks...

I'll let you in on a secret. Sometimes I can be unhappy- scrap that - sometimes I can be downright miserable, I'm talking the snotty nosed, screaming into a pillow, listening to Joni Mitchell kind of unhappy. But you know what. That's ok. It's OK to not be OK. We are only human after all -the wire grin aches if you wear it too often falsely.

...and lets face it life would be a lot more tedious if it was wonderful all of the time. You'd be bored silly. That and ungrateful too because it is the hardships, the times when you really feel corroded that truly you are alive. Use the bad in comparison to how good the good actually is!

There is a strange comfort in knowing that you are not the only victim in life. We all have 'one of those days.' You know what I mean, you lock yourself out the house, miss an essay/work deadline, realise you've forgotten your lunch on top of having issues with friend/spouse/sibling.

Yeah you know those kinds of days. For me, I have what I call the 'one night rule.' Where I embrace my woe and wallow in it for an evening of self pity. Think pjs before nine, cups of tea, something calorific and either a good book or a rom com to numb the senses. Here in this hippo like state, I indulge in my one woman pity party, I sob like its nobodies business, I write copious amounts of bad poetry or depending on the problem do some kind of yoga or meditation. I totally embrace my sadness, I pick it apart until it is just dust and bones and then I promise myself that the next morning I wake up positive and determined.

Obviously there are certain situations where one night isn't going to cure you, what it does do though is face you in the right direction so at least you can begin somewhere.

The thing that debilitates me most is other peoples pain. I can make myself ill worrying about others. I'm not just talking about the Oxfam kind of stuff, I'm talking about those around you, your nearest and dearest. When you have to watch someone suffer knowing that no matter what you do, you are powerless. That is the only thing that "gets to me." I'd rather health problems, career failings or anything else that comes my way, than watching someone endure hurt.

What I've had to learn over the years however is that I can't fix people. Be the compost, help them recycle the bad feelings, be a source of nutrients but let it be up to them to grow. You can show them where the light is but it is they who must reach up for it.

So when all else fails, remember this and only this.

Persevere

x

Re~discover

ReDiscover:-[14th century. Via Old French descovrir <>To find something out - Again

NAMASTE:

Though I scribe with wires, I hope to write with the fluency of familiarity & reflection. Lets pretend we are already friends discussing life's intricacies over a cup of tea. Me Casa en su Casa....or at least something like that (!)

...And so another year walks to the tomb to be but dust and philosophy, gawd I love new year!

In our farewell I feel compelled to be gracious, to bow my head in acknowledgement, the heaviness of gratitude humbling me.

Above anything I have cherished the moments in 2009 that tested my resolve, for here in this picture frame you see that life's abstracts are all artworks. I have truly learnt something. That we must hold every phase in our lives sacred, for we do not know when we might lose the oppertunity to feel anything at all.

I have understood sadness my own and others, I've allowed myself to examine it, to turn it over and revise every contour, until at last I realised that sadness should be thought of as just a smooth stone. Hold it, feel its shape and then throw it, watch it skim the waters then disappear. Pains neednt define you, they are merely life's utensils, change the tool and your shape changes too.

I confess to feeling vulnerable at times, the same that I feel exposed to happiness, when I feel jovial there is a fragment within me that is terrified something will snatch it away from me. This I have come to learn means that I have something worth missing. Its made me love voraciously, not to be afraid by the intensity of my emotions for they make me Sophia. For all that I am.

This year I saw poverty for real. It has taught me to seek the simplicity of being, wholly and quintessentially you, that we must all seek the quiet. We are alive. And that my friends is a blessing in itself.

I have found wonderment in academia but discovered that letters after your surname is not the be all and end all.

Perfectionism is a disease that decays the simple beauties in life, its ok to be human and not have all of the answers all of the time. Mistakes are what make us whole, its the constant yearining, our curiosity- for getting up ignoring grazed knees and carrying on anyway- thats the important bit!

As I stride towards 2010 I am filled with optimism. I hope that I am able to pause in the moments of wonderment and fully appreciate the awesomness of being here (and not just a facebook photo op, guilty as charged)!

I hope I read more books that sculpt thoughts and ideas with beauty. I hope I love unburdened by fear, or at least without decorum (the best kind of love)! Above everything I hope that this year I own my actions, that I live with deliberation and help those that need me, the same as those who might not know they need me. I hope I learn to forgive myself for yearning all of the time, wanting to be the best that I can be, because that wanderlust got me where I am today. I hope that I realise that its ok to be in the right here right now and not always to be looking towards the horizon. Look around see where the light hits.

To all Thank you for being a part of it. X

As I'm embarking on a year full of change and uphevel (Leaving uni, new romance, wanting to live off-grid, aromatherapy course, econess and travel) I've decided to list my goals and share my experiences throughout the year with you lovely people, friends, acquaintances and the people who have just happened upon this blog!

So to summarise the resolutions are:-

1. To write a blog *frequently* (Yay strike one)!

2. To learn how to knit (And strike two, expect wonky scarves for gifts lovely people)!

3. To embrace all things holistic (...veg growing, aromatherapy, herbal medicine, stove building, solar energy)

4. To make living in a yurt/bender/ narrow boat a reality (or at least a well formulated plan)

5. To tell the people who mean the most that I love them a ridiculous, vomit inducing, soppy dancing in the rain, all day everyday kind of way =)

Aloha Friends!